


"I only did it because I love you."

by EddieSasspbrak



Series: Dialogue Prompts [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Rating for Language, Slow Burn, characters are mid to late 20s, mentions of abuse, munchausen syndrom by proxy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:41:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21872335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddieSasspbrak/pseuds/EddieSasspbrak
Summary: Eddie and Richie have always been together. Their lives get pulled apart when they find themselves following work to opposite sides of the country. Eddie's new girlfriend, Myra, will go to great lengths to keep the two men apart.Prompts inspired by one line of dialogue. Prompt in title.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Dialogue Prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575751
Comments: 6
Kudos: 126





	"I only did it because I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> [Sketch page for this fic](https://eddiesasspbrak.tumblr.com/image/190292761322)

When Eddie had graduated college and left his best friend behind for a job in a different city, he’d been heartbroken. They’d known each other since they were children, were practically inseparable all the way through high school. When they chose to leave their small hometown of Derry behind, they had conveniently gotten into the same college.

They’d applied to all the same schools and sat together, opening letters at the same time to see if they could stay together. When they’d finally found matching acceptance letters it was decided. They couldn’t live without each other. Or, so they thought.

After graduation, Eddie had gotten a job in New York at an insurance company as a risk analysist. Richie talked about following him, but he hadn’t quite finished his degree and had planned to stay another year to finish it up. For a moment, Eddie considered turning down the job for something local, but Richie promised he’d graduate the following year and join him in the city. Until then they’d try to visit. Nothing would tear apart their friendship, that’s what Richie had promised followed by a snide comment about Eddie missing him too much to function.

So off he went, bound for New York. Richie helped him move, spent a few days getting him settled, and they said goodbye at the airport. Eddie cried unashamed, Richie held it in until he was out of sight. Eddie hardly slept that night. He was so used to falling asleep to Richie’s loud snoring from across the room that the silence became too much. Part of him wished he’d had the forethought to record his snoring while he could but that was probably a creepy thing to do. He went the next day to buy a white noise machine.

Emails, phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, they all became scarce and far between as both men became busy with their separate lives. Somehow Eddie found it easier and easier to live without Richie. Part of that was due to a girl he’d met. Myra.

During their first conversation he’d told her all about Richie. She’d told him he sounded like a bad influence and that he had too much of a dependency on the other man. It wasn’t good for him and the separation was going to cure him of that. He thought then of his mother. She’d never liked Richie, didn’t like their closeness. She wanted Eddie to make other friends. He made the point that he did have other friends. Five other friends in fact. He loved Bev, Ben, Mike, Bill and Stan but Richie was his best friend, the one he always thought of first when it came to sharing good news.

That’s why Richie had been the first to hear about Myra. He sent a series of texts, explaining that there was just some familiar comfort he’d found in her. He wasn’t completely sure he liked her at first, but she just cared so dearly for him and always had his best interest at heart. It made him feel loved and cared for. Something he longed for since being alone in the city.

Richie had congratulated him on finding someone, made a joke about how he was happy with Eddie’s mom as well, but it felt off. Like he wasn’t as happy for him as he let on. Eddie brushed it off as a misunderstanding. It was always so hard to determine tone in a text. That was when the messages began to come less frequently.

*

Richie never did keep his promise of following Eddie to New York. He’d often attended open mic nights at comedy clubs and managed to get a few laughs every time. On a particularly good night for him, wherein he made plenty of jokes about his first love, his unrequited love, an agent looking for new talent was lucky enough to be in the audience. He’d approached Richie and given him his card, filling his head with dreams of making it big as a comedian.

Richie had sat on that card for days, attending classes and going about his life as normal. He was so close to completing his degree and graduating. So close to going to Eddie. When he learned of the other man’s new girlfriend, his heart shattered in a very dramatic way. He pretended to support his friend, congratulated him, and then cried for a good hour.

He always knew that he would never have his feelings reciprocated, but Eddie never really dated before now. He might get a crush, do some flirting, his first kiss had been a public disaster (which Richie never let him live down), but he’d never had a relationship that lasted more than a week. Part of that might have been Richie’s fault.

Whenever a new girl would come sniffing around, Richie made sure to become extra clingy. Eddie never seemed to notice or mind, having been so used to Richie always being there with him. The taller man would make his vulgar jokes when they were around, which Eddie was used to having grown up with the guy. He’d always get a sigh and an eyeroll from his friend and harsh words from the girls that already hated him for being a third wheel. From there the relationships would fall apart as Eddie would refuse to stop hanging around Richie at their request. Richie always dreaded the day his tricks wouldn’t work anymore, and he’d be stolen away.

When Eddie had gone to New York alone, Richie was full of anxiety. He’d never been without the smaller man and wouldn’t be there to fight off the women. Eddie was cute, like a small animal you wanted to protect. Women always seemed to fall for that part of him.

His mother was a bit of a disaster having Munchausen syndrome by proxy. Something Richie hadn’t realized until he took a psyche course as part of his prerequisites. Everything the professor said about the disorder sounded just like Sonia. She kept Eddie on all kinds of fake medications through his life, convincing him he was sick and making him afraid of the world that could infect him. As far as Richie was aware, the only thing he actually suffered from was obsessive compulsive disorder, a result of the fears instilled in him that everything had to be clean and tidy to avoid illness.

Richie was afraid he’d fall for someone just like her. He hoped Myra wasn’t that someone.

Feeling heart broken, he made the decision that he couldn’t follow Eddie to New York. He couldn’t see them together. Sure, he could revert to his old ways, drive her away. But it was clear that Eddie liked women, liked her, and he’d chosen Myra to be with. How long could he ruin Eddie’s potential happiness for his own selfish and impossible desires? He didn’t know what he was working for anymore. The only reason he’d even chosen college was to stay with Eddie.

On an impulse, he pulled the business card from his wallet and dialed the number. He told the man on the other end that he was interested in a career in comedy and things seemed to move quickly from there. His parents were less than thrilled when they found out he’d dropped out of college, so close to graduating with his degree, to pursue comedy instead. When he told Eddie, he got an earful. How could he risk his future like that? Shouldn’t he graduate first so he had something to fall back on? What if this guy was a con artist, setting him up to fail for his own gain? After a lot of bickering that turned to yelling, the line fell silent. When Eddie spoke again, his voice was no longer angry.

“You’re still coming to New York, right?” He asked, his voice quiet, worried.

“I…no Eds. He wants me to go to LA.” Richie responded, biting at his nails out of nervous habit.

Eddie made a noise that was somewhere between a scoff and hiccup and Richie wondered if he’d started to cry.

“LA is all the way on the other side of the country!” He shouted.

Richie was very much aware of the distance. The odds that they would see each other again were becoming slimmer. Eddie was busy with work and Myra; Richie would be busy trying to launch his career and nursing his broken heart.

“I have to take my chance now. This guy really thinks I can make it big. He says LA is where I need to be. He’s even covering my traveling expenses to California and putting me up in a hotel until I find a place. That has to mean something, right?” Richie tried to sound hopeful, tried to make a sad feeling turn into optimism.

“We’ll never see each other again.” Eddie sniffled. He was definitely crying.

“Sure we will.” Richie said, his own voice cracking. He cleared his throat and deflected with a joke like he always did. “We’ll still see each other at holidays at your moms, right? I mean, I’m practically our stepdad by this point. Think of what this distance will do to our relationship. I can’t imagine there will be any MILFs like her in LA.”

Eddie sighed, though the tears seemed to have stopped. “Shut the fuck up, Richie.”

The line went silent again and Richie found the urge to cry stronger than before. He felt like he was letting go of a big piece of himself. He needed Eddie like he needed oxygen, and he felt like he would suffocate without him by his side. What else could he do? Being with him without _being with him_ was too painful.

“I’ll reserve a front row seat to my first real show for you.” Richie promised.

“I’ve already heard all of your terrible jokes.”

“I’ve written so much new material lately, you won’t recognize a single joke. Besides, you love my jokes.” Richie smiled to himself, picturing all the open mic nights Eddie had been at to support him. “Tell me you’ll come.”

“I’ll be there.” Eddie promised.

Richie hung up the phone an hour later feeling weighed down by emotions he wasn’t ready to deal with. Instead, he packed. With his parents help, he’d managed to spend the last year in a one-bedroom apartment near campus. He couldn’t imagine going back to the dorms without Eddie as his roommate. He wasn’t taking much. Most of the furniture had been from thrift stores or trash finds and he had no real connection to any of it. Eddie thought it was disgusting that he filled his home with used furniture.

_“Do you know how hard it is to get rid of bedbugs?!”_ he’d shouted at him when Richie told him about the recliner he’d found on the side of the road.

Everything in his life seemed to be filled with memories of Eddie and it was painful.

A week later, Richie was turning over his keys and boarding his flight to LA. Even with hectic schedules and different time zones, the two still managed to stay in contact though it was far less frequent than before. Rushed texts between sets, calls becoming impossible, most of their contact coming from Facebook likes. It was easy for them to forget how distant they’d become with busy days distracting them from the loneliness. It wasn’t until they each settled into bed at night that the separation really got to them. It was like a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach. A missing piece.

Finally, after months of small clubs and small audiences, Richie’s manager booked him a gig at one of the bigger comedy clubs in the area. This was it. The moment he was waiting for to invite Eddie out to LA to watch him. For the first time in what felt like forever, he called his best friend with the news. Eddie congratulated him, though he was distracted. Him and Myra were on their way out the door for dinner. He could hear her bickering at him in the background about the dangers of descending stairs while on the phone.

Richie rolled his eyes but said nothing. Eddie wrote down the date, told him he’d book the flight as soon as he got home from dinner, told him he was excited to see him. Richie felt like his heart was full just from hearing the excitement in his voice. He couldn’t wait to see that adorable face looking up at him from the front row. He’d reserved two seats, though Eddie had said he wasn’t sure Myra would want to come. Richie hoped she didn’t.

When his big night came around, Richie was nervous. He’d been busy all day, sound checks, meetings with his manager to go over his final approved set. He hadn’t had the chance to contact Eddie all day though he kept his phone out, screen facing up, in case the other man contacted him. Whenever he had a second, he’d check to see if there were any new messages. Nothing.

Richie stood backstage, waiting for the guy before him to finish up. He tried to call Eddie, but it went straight to voice mail. Maybe he forgot to take it off airplane mode? Peeking out at the crowd from behind the curtain, he could see the two empty seats, dead center in front of the stage and his heart sank. Where was he?

**R: Eds, I’m going on in like 15 where the hell are you?**

He texted him, praying nothing had happened to his friend. He paced nervously, couldn’t even hear the guy on stage or register whether or not he was getting laughs. Minutes later, his phone chimed, and his heart practically leapt from his chest.

**E: I can’t make it**

Was all the text said.

**R: What the fuck you couldn’t have told me this earlier?**

**E: My life is too busy to drop everything to fly to LA for one night**

**R: Drop everything? You’ve known about this for weeks! You booked your flight the night I told you about it!**

**E: I just don’t have time for you anymore**

Richie stared at the words on his screen for what felt like an eternity but couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. He startled when his manager came up behind him, slapping a hand on his shoulder with a big grin. He had two minutes. Two minutes to pull himself together and pretend like he wasn’t dying on the inside. What did he mean he didn’t have time for him? They barely spoke anymore at all. They were supposed to be best friends! How could he say such a thing and on such an important night?

Richie heard his name being announced. He pressed his phone into his managers hand, not wanting the weight of it in his pocket while on stage. Really, he was afraid he’d get another text and would be too distracted and mess up his jokes.

With a deep breath, he plastered a smile onto his face and walked onto stage, greeting the audience who halfheartedly applauded him. They didn’t know who he was, didn’t know if he’d be any good. Richie pushed everything to the back of his mind, focusing instead on the jokes and the audience before him.

“So…let’s talk about my first love.”

*

Eddie lay in his hospital bed, staring up at the clean white ceiling and feeling the weight of disappointment heavy on his chest. He was supposed to be in LA, in the front row, waiting. Richie would be going on any minute and he wasn’t there.

A few days prior, he found himself far more tired than normal. He would start to doze sitting at his desk, typing up reports and have to take a walk around the office to wake up. He figured he just wasn’t sleeping well, the excitement of his impending trip to LA keeping him from resting fully. Over the next few days it only seemed to get worse and Eddie actually fell asleep during a meeting. He’d never done that before. Myra had started bringing him lunch, making sure he was eating the right foods to give him energy, but nothing seemed to be helping.

The morning he was meant to fly to California, Myra told him she was worried about his fatigue. She thought he needed to go to the hospital, get some tests done to make sure he was ok. He promised he would as soon as he returned from his trip, reminding her that she could still come with him. Disapproving, she put her foot down and told him to get in the car. She was driving him to the hospital, ensuring him he’d be out by noon to catch his flight. Eddie tried to protest again, but she began listing all of the illnesses that sudden fatigue could be a symptom of, and he was putting on his coat, full of anxiety.

Their visit started with extensive questioning, checking for symptoms that Eddie, ever the hypochondriac, was sure he had. In the end, the doctor he was seeing decided to admit him for some tests just to rule anything serious out. When he changed into his hospital gown, Myra took his belongings saying she’d keep them safe. He wanted to text Richie, let him know he was in the hospital and that he may have to get a later flight. Myra, however, insisted he rest. She promised to send the text herself after the testing began.

After hours of vials of drawn blood, questioning, x-rays, more questioning, stress tests and even more questioning, Eddie finally asked how long it would be until he was released. He just about cried when his doctor informed him that he wanted to keep him under observation for at least one more night and one more day. There was concern for someone as young as he was, who was otherwise fairly healthy, to be stricken with fatigue so suddenly.

“Myra, I need my phone.” He said, returning to his room from the latest test he’d been subjected to.

“Oh, no Eddie you need your rest. You shouldn’t be worrying yourself with work or socialization. You’ll only get yourself worked up.” She responded, placing her hand on top of her purse where his phone resided.

“I’ve already missed my flight. I need to let Richie know what’s going on. You did text him this morning, right?”

“Of course, I did. He said he hopes you feel better.”

“That was it? That’s all he said?”

“Yes.”

Eddie knit his brows together in confusion. That didn’t sound like Richie. He was more likely to make a joke about him being a hypochondriac followed by a lewd joke about sponge baths.

“He didn’t…make a joke or anything? Something dumb or gross?” He asked.

“No. I…I told him it was me texting from your phone. That must be why.”

Eddie nodded. Richie didn’t really know Myra. Not that that’s stopped him before. Then again, he was about to have his first big show. Maybe he was just too nervous to crack a joke, instead focusing on his set.

“I still need to let him know I can’t come. Tell him I…I’m sorry to miss it.” Eddie’s face was a mask of sadness and disappointment.

“After lunch. I’ve already ordered you something healthy from the cafeteria.”

“Ugh, hospital food.” Eddie grimaced, sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Well I’m sorry, Eddie. I’ve been here taking care of you. I couldn’t very well have gone home and made you a meal, could I? My back is so sore from sitting on this hard chair all day. I’m sacrificing so much to be here with you. I don’t suppose I should have just gone and gotten you fast food when they’re already concerned for your heart.” Myra raised her voice, working herself up.

“No, no.” Eddie soothed, holding his hands up. “It’s fine. I’ll eat what they bring me. I’m lucky to have you here with me.”

Myra calmed herself with a huff. “Yes, you are.” She responded.

After lunch, Eddie was whisked off for yet another stress test. He reached for his phone, wanting to be sure he texted Richie before he forgot. Myra shooed his hands away, promising to send the text herself.

An entire day gone, and Eddie was still in a hospital gown, propped up on several pillows behind his back. He hated hospitals, but at least they were clean. He looked from the ceiling to the clock on the wall. Richie would be preparing to go on. He hoped he wasn’t too nervous. He’d never admit it to his face, but he’d always thought Richie was funny. When he was on stage anyway. Eddie turned his head to Myra, who was sat in the corner with a book. It was clear he wasn’t going to get his phone from her until this was all over.

“I want to wish Richie luck. He’s about to go on.” He said, a tinge of sadness to his voice.

Myra pulled out his phone with an overexaggerated eyeroll, just as a text came through.

“Was that him?” He asked.

“No. It was a prescription refill reminder. Don’t worry, I took care of it already.”

Eddie nodded a thanks and Myra typed as he dictated. “Tell him, good luck on your first big show. I promise to be at the next one. Try not to offend anyone.”

Myra typed the words and sent the text off. A moment later his phone chimed.

“He says thank you.”

“Nothing else?”

“He…said he’s disappointed that you aren’t there.”

“Tell him I’m sorry. I really wanted to be there.” Eddie went back to staring at the ceiling. He wished he was there, in the front row, waiting to see that infectious smile take the stage. He’d always felt a sense of pride when others in the audience would laugh at his jokes. Now he was missing it.

His phone chimed again, and Myra wasted no time before reacting to the words he couldn’t see.

“Oh my, you’re really friends with someone who speaks to you like this?” She asked, pressing her hand to her chest dramatically.

“Why? What did he say? His sense of humor takes some getting used to.” Eddie felt the need to defend Richie.

“Well, I won’t repeat the vulgarity he sent, but he said you’re not a good friend for bailing on him. He’s angry that you let your imaginary illnesses keep you from going.”

Eddie sat up to fully look at Myra. Was Richie really angry with him? Yea, ok, maybe he was always worried about getting sick and took things a bit more seriously than others. But wasn’t it better to make sure it was nothing than to ignore it and have it be something? He thought Richie had accepted that part of him long ago. Sure, he’d tease him about it, but he’d never been angry about it. Eddie had a few choice words he wanted to fire back at him, but he knew Myra wouldn’t take it well.

“Say…that the doctors seem to think it’s real and I’ll talk to him when he’s done being a…jerk.” That’s not the word he wanted to use, but he stopped himself from calling him a douche in front of Myra. Had he been able to type the text himself there would have been a few mentions of ‘fuck you’ and ‘choke on a dick and die’.

She sent the text but nothing more came. He’d be on stage by now. Eddie was angry, hurt and full of guilt. Richie should have known that he wanted to be there, that he would have been there if he hadn’t been subjected to endless tests.

“You don’t need someone like that in your life.” Myra said.

“He’s my best friend. I don’t understand why he’s acting this way. I went to every single one of his open mic nights, even though he was basically repeating the same jokes every time. I still went, sat front row and cheered him on. He should know that I wouldn’t miss it if I didn’t have to.” The anger was evident in Eddie’s voice but there was something else there. An overwhelming sadness that he felt like he’d let down the one person who’d always been there for him.

“I’m just going to delete these messages, so you don’t have to see them and get yourself worked up again.” Myra said, tapping away at the screen.

Eddie didn’t say anything as he plopped back down onto the pillows. When he was out of the hospital and had his phone back, he’d text him again. Apologize but also let him know how much of a dick he was. He’d also inform him of whatever illness the doctors found to rub it in his face that he’d really been sick.

*

Richie sat at the bar, drink in hand, phone in front of his face. He reread the last words Eddie had sent him about a thousand times. Torturing himself. He knew they’d been growing apart for a while but to say he didn’t have time for him anymore was so…final. He knew he’d never have him as a lover, but now it seemed he wouldn’t even have a friend.

Richie realized he was in love in middle school. Eddie was his favorite person to banter with. The others would usually respond to his jokes with a simple ‘shut up’ or their preferred ‘beep, beep Richie’. Eddie was more likely to shoot back at him, speaking faster than humanly possible, calling him names and letting him know how dumb he thought he was. He’d always felt an overwhelming need to protect him from everything and everyone that could hurt him. Whether it was bullies, his mother or hypothetical sewer dwelling killer clowns. He was his shoulder to lean on, cry on.

It was in a moment of fear in the haunted house at the Halloween fair when it happened. Eddie grabbed his hand and refused to let go until they had made it to the other side. Richie found himself no longer scared by the masked strangers jumping from corners and he realized it wasn’t fear that was causing his heart to practically leap from his chest. It turns out, finding his best friend adorable wasn’t as platonic as he thought. It only grew from there. He became hyperaware of the other and how much skin ship they shared on a normal day. That summer, he carved their initials into the side of the kissing bridge. No matter how hard he tried, he’d never been able to get over him and he tried continuously over the years. Even tried dating a few girls. It was useless.

He always thought that if he told Eddie of his true feelings, it would drive him away. Now it looked like it didn’t matter. Eddie was always destined to outgrow him. Richie didn’t even realize he was crying until a tear dropped onto his phone’s screen. He set his drink aside and wiped at his face with his sleeve, pocketing his phone. He motioned for the bartender, indicating he was ready to close out his tab. Somewhere in the distance he could hear his manager celebrating the success of the night, hyping up his promising client to all who would listen. Richie didn’t feel much like celebrating anymore.

*

Eddie woke in his hospital bed, finally feeling rested. He stretched, his back popping where it had gotten tense from the unfamiliar bed. He looked to the chair and found that Myra wasn’t there, but her purse was. He stood from his bed and fished his phone from her purse. His battery was low from not being plugged in and the screen read it was almost noon.

Unlocking his phone, he immediately opened the text conversation with Richie. As promised, Myra had deleted the texts, the last one remaining from Richie telling him he could get his ticket at the door and they’d drink after the show. He was trying to decide if it was too soon to text him. It was three hours earlier in LA, Richie was likely sleeping off the drinks from the night before. Before he could decide, there was a knock at the door, his doctor letting himself in a second later.

“Mr. Kaspbrak, good morning.” He said, flipping a few papers on the clipboard in his hands.

Eddie moved back to the bed, sitting on the edge, tucking his phone beneath the blanket in case Myra came back.

“Good morning.” He returned the greeting.

“The results of the tests look good. You’re exceptionally healthy, which isn’t much of a surprise for someone your age.”

“So, I’m ok?” He asked, feeling a bit confused. “What about the fatigue?”

“Do you ever take medication to help you sleep?” The doctor answered his question with a question.

“Sometimes. I occasionally deal with insomnia.”

“Your bloodwork shows you had quite a bit of benzodiazepines in your system.”

“I…I don’t even know what that is.”

“It’s a kind of medication used for sleeping pills and muscle relaxers. Luckily, you aren’t showing any signs of an overdose.”

“W-what? How do you know? What if you missed it?”

“There’s a reason we ran all of those tests Mr. Kaspbrak. How often would you say you’re using these meds to help you sleep? Were they prescribed?” He asked, lifting his pen to the clipboard.

“They were prescribed by my general physician. I haven’t taken one in a long time though. I mostly used them when I first moved to the city.”

He had been writing something on the papers clipped to the board when he stopped and looked up at him, his eyebrows raised.

“How long has it been since you used this medication?”

Eddie thought back. He’d already been in New York for more than a year. The last time he could remember actually needing the pills was when Myra had stayed too late and didn’t want to go home. She kept kicking him in her sleep and tossing and turning. He thought she’d be mad if she woke up and found him on the couch, so he’d turned to the sleeping pills. He’d only taken half a dose, knowing that he had a hard time waking in the morning if he took a full dose.

“It’s been at least four months.” Eddie finally answered.

The doctor set his clipboard on the arm of the chair beside him. The look on his face only spiked Eddie’s anxiety higher. Why did he look so concerned?

“Can you confirm for me what medication you’ve had prescribed to you?” He asked.

“Ambien.” He blurted out.

“Ambien usually leaves your system in around 16 hours. There’s no way it would still be present in your system after four months.”

“I…I don’t understand.”

“Is the woman whose been staying with you your wife?” He asked, sitting in the chair and pulling it closer to the bed.

“No. My girlfriend.”

“Do you live together?”

“No.”

“Does she cook for you?”

“She brings me lunch every day at work to make sure I get a healthy meal.”

The doctor was silent for a moment, watching Eddie who was fidgeting anxiously, pulling at a loose string on the hem of his hospital gown.

“Do you have any reason to believe she would be putting the Ambien into your food?” He asked, effectively knocking the air from his lungs.

“N-no…she…she wouldn’t do that. She loves me. She takes care of me. She…” Eddie trailed off. She really hadn’t wanted him to go to LA for the weekend. She kept trying to talk him out of it, trying to trigger his anxieties about flying. He still insisted he had to go. His mother spent the entirety of his childhood convincing him he was sick, medicating him when he didn’t need it to keep him under her control. To make him need her.

Eddie stood and retrieved Myra’s purse. Sifting through the various items she kept in the large bag, he finally found an orange pill bottle at the bottom inside a zip lock bag. It was his prescription. His hands shook as he pulled the bottle from the bag and he turned back to the doctor.

“I think it’s important that you speak to one of our councilors. Maybe with your girlfriend.” His doctors voice cut through his thoughts.

“No…no I don’t need it. I…I’ll be fine. I just…can I be released today? I need to get out of here.”

“If you’re sure, I can get a nurse working on your release papers.” He stood and walked to the door, pausing to look back at Eddie. “If you change your mind, you can always come back to one of our onsite therapists.”

Eddie nodded and with that he left. He was sure the doctor was coming to tell him he was sick, not that he suspected he was being drugged by his girlfriend. Eddie stood and busied himself getting dressed and gathering his things. He felt like the breath had been knocked from his lungs and he was moving on autopilot.

His phone chimed from beneath the blanket where he’d left it. He stopped what he was doing and grabbed it, surprised to see the notification was from Richie.

**R: Look, Eds, I don’t know what’s going on with you right now, but I can’t live without you. Don’t say you’re done with me.**

Eddie’s head cleared a bit from the shock and was replace with confusion. Wasn’t he the one who was mad at him?

**E: What the hell are you talking about?**

**R: I know you’re busy. It’s ok that you had to work. You can try to come next time. I’ll set a ticket aside for you for every show. Just tell me you still have time for me**

**E: Are you drunk?**

It took a minute for Richie to reply this time. It was early, even earlier in LA, there’s no way he’d be drunk already, right? He wanted to believe it wasn’t true, but Richie only got like this when he’d been drinking. Vulnerable, honest, not hiding behind jokes.

**R: Maybe. I drank a lot last night. All night. Didn’t sleep.**

**E: Make yourself some coffee and explain to me what you’re talking about. I’m still in the hospital.**

**R: Hospital? What the fuck why didn’t you tell me?**

**E: Myra told you yesterday. Did you seriously forget?**

**R: What? No, she didn’t. I didn’t talk to Myra.**

**E: She was texting you from my phone.**

Again, silence. Eddie saw the typing bubbles pop up and disappear several times, making him anxious, before a picture was sent instead. It was a screenshot of a text conversation. Confused, Eddie sat in one of the chairs at the small table and tapped the image to enlarge it.

**R: Eds, I’m going on in like 15 where the hell are you?**

**E: I can’t make it**

**R: What the fuck you couldn’t have told me this earlier?**

**E: My life is too busy to drop everything to fly to LA for one night**

**R: Drop everything? You’ve known about this for weeks! You booked your flight the night I told you about it!**

**E: I just don’t have time for you anymore**

Eddie’s breath caught in his chest as he read over the heartless messages. The messages that made Richie believe he didn’t want him around anymore. The message sent and deleted by Myra.

**E: That wasn’t me**

**R: I gathered that when you said Myra was texting me. Eddie, are you ok?**

**E: I think…she drugged me to make me think I was sick so I couldn’t go.**

**R: What the fuck!**

**E: Richie, I don’t know what to do.**

Eddie’s hands shook as he waited for a response. This shouldn’t be happening. He should be in LA with Richie. He should be waking with a hangover, Richie beside him passed out fully clothes still wearing his shoes like so many times before. He had begun to think he didn’t need Richie as much as he did before, but he was wrong. He was the only one he could really trust.

**R: My flight leaves in 2 hours. It was the soonest I could get. It’s about 5 and a half hours to get there. Maybe don’t go home with her.**

**E: You’re coming here?**

**R: Of course. I can’t leave you alone with that psycho bitch, can I?**

**E: Thanks Richie**

**R: Anything for you, Eddie Spaghetti**

Eddie smiled at the old familiar nickname he hadn’t heard in so long. He used to hate it but now it gave him a warm, comforted feeling. He locked his phone and pocketed it. He turned back to survey the room, checking to make sure he had everything, when the door opened behind him. He turned to see Myra with a coffee in her hand and a smile on her face.

“Good, you’re awake. I looked everywhere to find you coffee that didn’t come from a vending machine.” She held the coffee out to him, but he made no move to take it, so she set it down on the table beside his bed. “What’s wrong? You look sick. Maybe you should-.”

“No. I’m not sick I…they found Ambien in my system. It’s what’s been making me so tired.” His voice was flat, not wanting to give away just yet that he knew what she did.

“I didn’t know you were taking Ambien! You have to be careful with that stuff, Eddie.”

“The funny thing is, I haven’t taken it in over four months.”

Myra was silent for a moment, her smile still plastered on her face. She didn’t know Eddie suspected her for anything. She had to tread carefully.

“Maybe you just forgot. You take so many medications, it’s easy to forget what they all are. Here, sit, drink your coffee and relax. I’m told you get to go home soon.”

“I don’t want the coffee. You can have it.”

“But I brought it for you.”

“What’s in it?” He asked, giving her a look that he hoped showed her that he knew.

“J-just almond milk.”

“Nothing else?”

She forced a laugh. “Of course not. I know you don’t take sugar in your coffee.”

“What about Ambien?” He asked, pulling the pill bottle from his jacket pocket for her to see.

Her smile fell away and was immediately replaced with a frown, the tears turning on like a faucet. In the past, Eddie had given in to her when she pulled this, but this was not the woman he thought he knew. He didn’t feel safe with her anymore.

“What are you accusing me of? You know I love you! I take care of you, don’t I? You know me, Eddie.” She sobbed, covering her face with her hands and collapsing into the chair behind her.

“Do I?” He asked, causing her to look up at him. This wasn’t his typical response and she was thrown off guard. “What did you text Richie yesterday?”

“Exactly what you told me to.”

“So, you didn’t tell him I don’t have time for him anymore?”

“Of course not!”

“He sent me a screenshot of the texts.”

“Those can be faked! He probably just made it up to break us up! He’s never liked me! He-.”

“Myra!” Eddie snapped, not wanting to hear her put him down to save her own ass.

At his shout, her façade broke and the tears were replaced with anger. This, he thought, was her actual self. Not fake tears used to manipulate him. Just an angry woman, fighting to keep her control over the man standing before her.

“He’s not good enough for you, Eddie. He’s a bad influence. You can make better friends.” She said, standing again.

Eddie’s memories flashed back to his mother saying the same things. He was so relieved to escape her when he went to college, promised he’d never let her control him again. Now here he was dating a woman who was just like her.

“He’s the most important person to me on the planet.” Eddie shot back, ignoring her claims.

“He’s going to corrupt you! Why can’t you see that?!”

“What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?” He asked, throwing his hands up in annoyance.

“That is what I mean! You never talk like that.”

“Yes, I do! I just don’t in front of you.” Eddie took a breath to steady himself. The last thing they needed was security being called because of all the shouting. “I don’t understand why you’d do this to me.” He said, though that wasn’t entirely true.

Myra was back to crying, tears sliding down her face, hands balled into fists at her sides. Eddie wondered if he should have her escorted out. Give him a chance to get away from her. Luckily, they hadn’t moved in together yet, but she did have a key to his apartment. He’d have to contact his landlord, get the locks changed.

“I only did it because I love you, Eddie.” She said, shaking.

“You don’t love me. If you loved me, you wouldn’t try to take Richie away from me. You wouldn’t have drugged me!”

“I did it to protect our love! He doesn’t like me. He didn’t want you with me, I could tell.”

“You’ve never really met him. Once over facetime.” Eddie suddenly felt exhausted again and wondered if she’d slipped him anymore Ambien without him knowing.

“You were always choosing him over me. He’s trying to steal you away from me.”

“He’s my best friend.”

“Don’t be stupid, Eddie.” The tears had stopped again, like she couldn’t remember to keep them flowing. “He’s in love with you. You think I couldn’t tell from those flirtatious jokes I always overheard when you spoke to him?”

“What are you talking about? Richie’s not…” Eddie didn’t finish his sentence. Was Richie in love with him?

“Didn’t you tell me that your girlfriends in college always broke up with you because they hated him?”

“Yea, but that doesn’t mean-.”

“You said they didn’t like him hanging around all the time. Why was he always there Eddie? Why didn’t he ever give you space to be alone with your girlfriend?”

“He was…he was just…” Eddie couldn’t find the words he needed as memories of the last twenty years flooded his mind. They were close. They’d always been close. They were comfortable with each other. Was it not normal to hold your best friend’s hand or cuddle together while watching a movie? There were a few times in college when he’d been asked what their relationship was, but he’d never thought anything of it.

He thought back to the way Richie behaved around his girlfriends. He’d sit between them on the couch, force his way in, hug him from behind during casual conversation, direct the conversation to events only the two of them would be able to speak about. Staking his claim. Showing them that he was the most important person in his life, that he would win. That’s what it was, wasn’t it? Eddie was oblivious, let it happen, enjoyed it even. What were his feelings for Richie then?

“See. You know. He’s not your friend. He’s been ruining all of your relationships on purpose. Those texts, they’re fake. He’s lying to make you leave me.”

Eddie hadn’t been looking at her as he pieced together far away memories. He now turned to look at her. She wasn’t even trying to look sorry anymore. She just looked angry, determined maybe.

“Richie Tozier is a terrible comedian. He doesn’t know how to handle emotional situations and deflects with jokes. He’s clingy and needy and unbelievably annoying. He teases me endlessly, makes jokes about fucking my mom on a daily basis, but he wouldn’t lie to me. He’s never lied to me.”

“Eddie…”

“You need to leave.”

Myra had taken a step forward, but she stopped, looked as if she’d been struck. Her bottom lip began to quiver as if she was going to cry again but that quickly fell away back to anger. She couldn’t keep up her act when she was so furious with the situation. She pointed her finger in his face, close enough to make him take a step back.

“You NEED me Eddie Kaspbrak. He can’t take care of you like I can.” She practically growled.

“He wouldn’t drug me to trick me into staying with him.” Her mouth dropped open as if she was going to say something but couldn’t find the words. “Leave.” He said again, pointing to the door.

Momentarily defeated, Myra gathered her coat and purse and stomped to the door. She turned back to look at him one last time as she ripped the door open. Then she was gone, yelling down the hall of how he’d come crawling back to her. Eddie let out a sigh of relief, feeling overwhelmed.

He’d just taken a seat, trying to calm himself, his head in his hands, when a nurse came into the room with release papers for him to sign. He took the papers from her and signed quickly, wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. He didn’t have his car. Myra had driven him there the day before. He sat on the curb, exhausted, and called for a cab. He didn’t know where to go from here. What did he do with this new information that his best friend was actually in love with him?

By the time the cab arrived, he’d worked himself up again. He had maybe six hours or so to figure things out. He hoped he’d be able to think more clearly when he was in his own home, in the quiet. He needed time to really sit down and think about their friendship. He loved him, he didn’t doubt that. He was his best friend, of course he loved him. Just…how much?

*

With his last-minute ticket purchased, Richie set to work cleaning himself up. His original plan was to be gone within the hour, in the clothes he’d worn the day before, reeking of alcohol. Since he couldn’t get an early enough flight, the idea of a shower was becoming more and more appealing. After all, if he showed up like this there would definitely be complaints from Eddie. He wouldn’t touch him until he bathed, and he wanted to be able to hug him as soon as he arrived.

His shower was quick, just enough time to wash his hair and properly scrub the smell from his skin. He probably needed to take clothes, right? He didn’t honestly know how long he’d be gone. Maybe he should text his manager. Let him know he had to go out of town.

**R: Have to go to New York. Family emergency. Will update.**

He sent it off quickly while grabbing a duffle bag from his closet. He haphazardly threw some jeans and button up tees from his closet into the bag, barely remembering to remove the hangers. Going to his dresser he grabbed and armful of socks and underwear and dropped them in, grabbing about half his t-shirts last. The duffle bag put up a fight when he tried to zip it, but he won in the end.

Toiletries could be purchased. He didn’t have anymore time to waste with LA traffic being what it was. The last thing he needed was to miss his flight. He’d already put a hefty charge on his credit card for the last-minute airfare. Hell, he was living out of a hotel room. He was supposed to be saving for an apartment. So much for that.

The cab ride was more money he didn’t need to be spending but it didn’t even cross his mind. His priority was getting to Eddie as quickly as possible. He miraculously arrived with enough time to check his bag, make it to his gate and sit for a few minutes to catch his breath.

Pulling his phone from his jacket pocket, he ignored the three texts his manager had sent him and opened the conversation with Eddie instead.

**R: My flight is boarding soon. Have to put my phone on airplane mode. You ok?**

**E: I’m at home now. Alone.**

Richie was relieved. He really didn’t know much about Myra other than what Eddie had told him in passing. He wasn’t sure how easy it would be for Eddie to break free from her and how desperately she’d hold onto him. He still expected a bit of a fight when he got there. Almost hoped he’d get to give her a piece of his mind for what he’d done to Eddie.

As Richie was switching his phone to airplane mode, another text came through.

**E: Should I pick you up from the airport?**

**R: My flight gets in around 8. You still going to be up, grandpa?**

**E: Haha hilarious. I’m an old man because I believe in going to bed early and getting a solid 8 hours. Find your own way here jackass.**

**R: So, you’ll be here right?**

**E: Duh**

Richie smiled, tapped the airplane mode icon on his screen and put his phone back in his pocket. The excitement he felt as he boarded the plane and took his seat, was a feeling he hadn’t had in years. Tonight, he’d be with his best friend, the love of his life and nothing could make him happier than seeing that dorky smile directed at him when he arrived.

*

Eddie set down his phone, feeling anxious. He hadn’t seen Richie in a while. Almost a year. He was supposed to see him yesterday and had been excited, but he’d also been distracted with the fatigue. Now he was wide awake and too aware of the fact that soon he’d be face to face with his best friend. His friend who might be in love with him. His friend who he might have feelings for as well.

He set about tidying the apartment. Not that there was much to be done. He already kept it immaculately clean. After about an hour of scrubbing every surface until it practically shined, he realized just how hungry he was. He hadn’t eaten since he woke up. Going to his fridge, he scanned over everything and wondered if it was safe to eat. Myra spent a lot of time at his place and had access when he wasn’t home.

Grabbing his phone, he ordered something for delivery and grabbed a trash bag from the pantry. It was a waste to throw out so much food, but he didn’t trust any of it. Anything that was opened, anything that she could have resealed, it all had to go. By the time his food arrived he had two trash bags full of food. One from the fridge, one from the cabinets and pantry. In the end all he had left was canned goods, a pack of taco seasoning and a carton of eggs.

He sat at the counter and ate, staring at the clock. He’d only managed to pass two hours. There were still four hours before his flight was supposed to arrive. What was he supposed to do until then? He’d taken time off work to go to LA, so he didn’t have work to distract him. He’d intentionally left everything at the office, not wanting the temptation to take it on the plane with him. Now all he had to distract him was flipping through channels, settling on a cheesy buddy cop movie. Four hours. He could survive that much longer, right?

*

Richie turned his phone back on as soon as they landed. He sent a short text, letting Eddie know he was there. He felt impatient as he filed off the airplane and made his way through the airport to the baggage claim. His bag, nearly busting at the seams, was one of the last to come through. He grabbed it and made his way out to the street where a long line of cars sat, there to pickup passengers. Richie’s stomach did a little flip when he looked down the line and saw Eddie, standing on the sidewalk beside his car.

Almost a year had gone by since he’d last seen that face in person. His legs were moving before he could even think about it. All he knew was he needed that man in his arms immediately. As he grew close, he dropped his bag on the ground, Eddie meeting him halfway in a tight embrace. Whenever they hugged, Richie had this habit of cradling the back of his head with one hand. It always felt a bit protective to Eddie. He didn’t mind it. It was comforting after all he’d been through the last two days.

Pulling back, Richie cupped Eddie’s face between his hands, turning his head from side to side to assess his features.

“Yea, I don’t know Eds. You don’t look like someone who’s been drugged for a week. You sure you weren’t faking?” He asked.

Eddie slapped his hands away, looking less than amused. “Shut the fuck up, asshole. Grab your bag and get in the fucking car.”

Richie grinned as he grabbed his bag off the pavement, watching Eddie walk around to the driver’s side door. Richie climbed in the passenger’s side and tossed his bag in the backseat. Now that they were alone in a small space, things felt slightly awkward. It wasn’t supposed to be like this for them. They were best friends since such a young age, no one knew the other better. Now it felt like strangers sharing a ride, waiting for it to be over.

“How was your show?” Eddie asked, breaking the tense silence.

“It was good. Despite what you seem to think, people do find me funny. Got a few numbers after the show too.”

“Don’t tell me you have groupies already.”

“What can I say, Eds. I crack a few jokes and the ladies come running.”

“That’s not the way I remember it in high school and college.” Eddie said with an eye roll. “Are you going to call any of them?”

Richie wanted to say that he threw away the slips of paper and napkins when he got home. Didn’t even bother putting them in his phone. But he was here for Eddie, not to weigh him down with more problems. The last thing he needed was to know his best friend had been secretly in love with him for fourteen years. Not yet.

“Probably. Maybe they’ll post about me on twitter. Talk about the amazing and handsome comedian they got to screw, make me even more popular.” He joked, his smile looking halfhearted.

They chatted about his show, Richie reciting a few of his jokes to make Eddie laugh. He did laugh at most, but some he lightheartedly heckled Richie for. They were finally starting to feel comfortable, normal. Just the way they’d always been.

When they arrived at the apartment, Eddie went immediately to his room to retrieve something. Richie dropped his bag in the living room by the couch and walked around to take in the décor. It had changed quite a bit in a year. There was some art on the walls, a vase full of dying flowers on the small table in the kitchen. There were magnets on the fridge shaped like balloons, organized in the order of a rainbow. Richie knocked one slightly sideways with his finger, wondering how long it would be before Eddie noticed.

Eddie followed him into the kitchen a moment later, a gift bag in his hands. Richie turned to him, his heart skipping a beat as it hit him again that he was here. With Eddie.

“This place is ridiculously clean. Were you planning to perform surgery on your kitchen table tonight?” Richie asked, grinning.

“I like to think that emergency surgery could be performed on my kitchen table, thank you.” Eddie snapped back, holding out the bag. “This is for you.”

“You…got me a present?” Richie asked, taking the bag and setting it on the small island in the center of the room.

“I was going to give it to you in LA.” Eddie shrugged, suddenly embarrassed.

Richie reached into the bag, his hand touching something cold, glass and heavy. He gently scooped it up from the bottom and lifted it out of the bag, tissue paper falling to the floor. What he held in his hand was a snow globe. Inside was a picture of them from the summer they were thirteen. They had their arms around each other, big smiles on their faces. Bev had taken that picture. Above the picture was a dotted line that curled into a heart in the middle and connected LA and New York. Below is said “Don’t Forget Me”.

He wouldn’t admit it, but Richie was really touched by the gift. He’d thought that Eddie didn’t care about him as much as he used to since he had a girlfriend and seemed happy before all of this. This proved that he had thought about him, missed him.

“Wow, Eds.” He said, shaking the snow globe and watching the colorful glitter fall down around their smiling faces. “A snow globe. Really?” He chuckled.

Eddie shrugged. “It was that or a coffee mug and I thought that was…”

“Too couple-like?” Richie asked.

Eddie shrugged again. He felt uncomfortable. When he’d passed by the shop that made customized gifts, he’d thought it was a good idea. After consulting the woman behind the counter, they agreed that a snow globe was probably best. He’d gone to Bev’s Facebook to find the old photo and emailed it to the store. When he’d picked it up and actually saw it in person, he’d thought that maybe it was a bad idea. Now, he realized, Richie really did like it. He could bullshit all he wanted, but Eddie could read him like a book.

“Thanks.” Richie said, placing it back in the bag. “I hope it survives the plane ride back to LA.”

Eddie knew that eventually Richie would return to LA. He’d only come to New York to make sure he was ok. Once he was sure Myra wouldn’t come around, he’d leave again. Still, he hadn’t been thinking about that until Richie said it.

“I have bubble wrap.” Eddie said, his voice quiet.

“Of course you do.” Richie grinned, wondering how many times Eddie had rolled his eyes since they met at the airport. “Well, I’m starving. Maybe we should eat before we start Myra proofing your place.”

Eddie sighed. Richie had said during the car ride that he thought Eddie should set up some security measures in case Myra came back. He still wasn’t sure if he was serious.

“Unless you want to eat eggs and tomato soup with taco seasoning, we have to order something.” Eddie said, going to the fridge and opening it to show its emptiness.

“Jeez Eddie. Don’t you ever eat?”

“I had to throw most of it out. I didn’t know if she had tampered with any of it. Better safe than…” Eddie trailed off.

Richie took a seat on one of the stools beside the island, leaning against the countertop. He watched as Eddie closed the fridge, looking like he needed a drink. Richie could definitely provide the drink, but before that…

“Are you ok?” He asked, letting the concern for the other man take over.

Eddie looked at him, moving to lean against the other side of the island with his hip. He crossed his arms and turned his gaze to the ground.

“I just can’t believe I ended up with someone just like…just like…”

“Your mom?”

Eddie nodded. “She could have killed me, Rich. If she’d given me too much, I could have died.”

“But you didn’t.”

“What if I hadn’t realized she was drugging me? I would still be with her. Who knows what else she would have done. It’s like I can’t trust anyone.”

“Except…”

“Except you.” Eddie rolled his eyes again. “But you’re in LA. You can’t protect me anymore.”

Richie looked down at his hands. At the time, moving to LA had seemed like such a good idea. Now he regretted it. He wanted to be here, with Eddie, but he couldn’t just walk away from everything now. He’d dropped out of college for this. He was doing well. His manager really thought he could turn this into a successful career.

“You could come to LA.” Richie suggested, though that felt selfish.

“I can’t. Earthquakes.”

Richie nodded and chuckled. “Right.”

“I would like to visit each other more often. I mean, this is the first time in a year that we’ve seen each other. You could come here when you’re free, I can go to see some of your shows when I can get the time. We don’t have to be so far apart.”

Richie agreed, but it wasn’t enough. He didn’t want to see him a few times a year. He wanted him year-round. Just like before. Richie pushed that thought down and reminded Eddie that he needed food. They agreed on pizza and settled onto the couch to find a movie to watch while they ate. Eddie didn’t usually eat in the living room and made it clear that he would kill Richie if he spilled anything.

They ate together, didn’t really watch the movie, deciding talking to each other was more appealing. They still had so much to catch up on. After they’d eaten, Richie suggested going to get a drink. Eddie went to the hall closet and pulled a bottle of whiskey from a bag marked ‘laundry’. Richie raised his eyebrows at him as he walked back over with it.

“Had to hide it from Myra.” Eddie answered his unasked question.

And so, they drank, and talked and laughed. Richie took a picture of the two of them and sent it to Bev who’d been texting to congratulate him on his show. They reminisced about childhood with their friends, wishing the five of them were there with them. Bev had responded with a picture of her and Ben. Everyone knew they’d end up together when they were young. He was so in love with her it was almost gross. They joked about how smitten he’d been. They talked about college, stories from when they were roommates.

“Do you think you’ll ever go back? Finish what you started?” Eddie asked, tilting her head against the back of the couch.

“I don’t know.” Richie poured more whiskey over his ice before sitting back against the pillows. “Maybe if I fail at this I will.”

“I still don’t understand why you didn’t just finish first. Couldn’t it have waited just a few more months?”

“Yea. It could have. My manager even asked if I wanted to graduate before I left.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

Richie shrugged. “I was lonely. I didn’t want to be there anymore. The only reason to finish was so I could find a job out here.”

“You can be a comedian in New York.”

Richie swirled his drink around, watching the ice clink against the sides of the glass. He’d thought of that before going to LA. He just wasn’t sure he wanted to admit why he’d chosen LA. Didn’t want to tell Eddie that he’d been given the option to choose New York.

“What about you? You really enjoy looking for risks in everything?” Richie asked, cracking a smile. “What do you guys talk about at office parties? Do you just sit around a table discussing all the risks involved with office parties?”

“Richie.”

He put on an exaggerated voice before speaking again. “Just think, if we had alcohol here everyone would get drunk and Larry would end up fucking his secretary on the copy machine.”

“Richie.”

“Those party hats really are dangerous. You could put an eye out with those sharp points. Can’t have that.”

“Beep, beep Richie.” Eddie said, his friend finally falling silent, still looking down at his drink.

Richie sighed and drained his drink in one go. “I didn’t…want to come to New York.” He admitted.

“Why not?”

“Because you were here.”

Eddie didn’t know what to say to that, but that was fine because Richie wasn’t done.

“You built your own life here. Met a girl. You sounded happy. I didn’t want to ruin it. You didn’t need me anymore.” He said, setting his glass on the table.

“Clearly I did.”

“If I had known she was going to be like your mom, I would have driven her away.”

“Like the girls in college?”

Richie opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. That was a first. He couldn’t look at Eddie, but Eddie was looking at him. Watching his face as a series of emotions passed over his features. Eddie waited, he wanted him to say something. Deny it or admit to it. He had to choose one.

“They were no good for you. I had to protect you.” Richie finally said, reaching again for the bottle of whiskey to fill his glass.

“From what?”

“Being taken advantage of.”

Eddie scoffed. “I wouldn’t have been-.”

“Myra?”

“That’s different. They weren’t all like that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yea because I never got the chance to know them. Because someone scared them away before I could.”

“And the one time I couldn’t, look what happened.”

Eddie didn’t want to fight. Didn’t want to get angry. The last few days had been absolute shit. They were finally back together, and Eddie wouldn’t argue with him. He didn’t know how long he had him here and he wanted to enjoy every second. Not spend it like this.

“I don’t want to argue with you, Richie. That’s not why I brought it up.” Eddie said, snatching the bottle from Richie to fill his own glass.

“Then why did you?” Richie lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He suddenly felt exhausted, like he needed to sleep for the next twenty-four hours.

“Because I…I wanted to know…” Richie turned his head slightly to look at him from his peripheral as he took a deep breath. “Richie, do you love me?” He asked, shocking himself. That’s not how he’d meant to ask but now there it was. Out on the table.

“You’re my best friend, Eds.” Richie responded quickly, like he’d had that ready in his back pocket all these years in case he asked.

“I know, but do you love me as more than just a best friend?”

Richie licked his lips, his face a mask of panic. “You…you mean like a stepson?” He asked, trying desperately to end the conversation with a joke.

It was very forced, but Richie was desperate. He chanted in his head for Eddie to just punch him in the arm and call him an asshole. Treat everything as a joke. Move past it. He wasn’t ready for this. Ready for their friendship to change. If Eddie knew how he felt, everything would change. Their closeness would change. He didn’t want that.

Eddie didn’t know what to say. His instinct was to tell him off for ruining the mood with a joke, but he didn’t want things to end that way yet again. Every time they tried to have a serious conversation this happened when Richie began to feel uncomfortable. Eddie wouldn’t give in this time. Wouldn’t let him end this conversation before he got the answers he needed.

He’d spent the entire day waiting for him just remembering how he made him feel. He’d never considered Richie as an option because he was sure he wasn’t an option for Richie. He’d always known that Richie was attractive. He’d admired his looks more than once over the years. He relished in the way the other would touch him. The closeness that they didn’t have with the rest of the group. It made him feel special. Made him feel…loved. When he’d started dating Myra, that’s the feeling he was chasing. The feeling of being with Richie.

Several minutes had passed since either had spoken and Richie was beginning to worry, he’d really pissed Eddie off. When he turned to look at him, his face was scrunched up in anger, which he’d expected, but he hadn’t expected the tears in his eyes.

“Eddie…” Richie began, but stopped when Eddie put his hand up.

“I needed you. All my life I have needed you. Only you. I wanted you to come to New York so we could be together.” He sniffled and wiped at a tear that slid down his cheek. “Myra wanted to move in. I told her I wasn’t ready, but I was really just holding out hope that you’d change your mind. I was saving that spot for you. I didn’t know what would happen with her when you arrived because you were the one I wanted to spend my free time with. Not her.”

“Eddie, I-.”

“No. I’ve listened to you talk and I’m done. I don’t want to see you just a few times a year. I don’t want to only see you over facetime. I want you here. Damnit Richie, I love you and I want you here with me.”

Richie inhaled sharply, caught off guard by the sudden confession. He had never known what Eddie was thinking about him. He didn’t think Eddie had even known what he was thinking about him until now. Years of denial, years of hiding his true feelings, years of saying it was just because they were best friends. All of it seemed to melt away as Richie stared at the crying face of the man he loved and finally gave into the urge he’d had since he was thirteen.

Grabbing Eddie’s face between his hands, he pulled him closer and pressed their lips together. Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the 20 years of repressed feelings. Whatever it was fueling their first kiss, it was all coming out at once.

Eddie’s fingers gripped the front of Richie’s stupid graphic tee, wrinkling the fabric as he tried to pull him closer. Once in high school, Eddie had wondered what it would be like to kiss Richie. His lips always looked so soft and kissing him would be an effective way to shut him up. He’d immediately shook that thought away at the time, but had he known just how addicting kissing him was, he would have done so right then in the club house.

By the time their heads cleared enough to realize what was happening, and they had the afterthought to take a break to catch their breath, Eddie had found himself on Richie’s lap. Part of his brain told him to be embarrassed, but this was Richie. This wasn’t the first time they’d ended up in “compromising” positions, just the first time it involved kissing.

“How long have you waited to do that?” Eddie asked, his chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath.

“Too long.” Richie responded, resting his forehead against Eddie’s shoulder. “I love you.”

Eddie already knew, but the shock of hearing the words come from Richie’s mouth was enough to make him want to cry again. He bit his bottom lip and wrapped his arms around Richie’s back, lowering his own head to Richie’s shoulder. Richie’s arms held him tight, like he was afraid he’d disappear if he let go.

They both knew that they still had to talk. Richie was supposed to go back to LA, Eddie had to stay here. Those weren’t the best circumstances to build a relationship upon. For now, they chose to ignore those nagging thoughts. They ignored it when Richie could no longer keep his lips to himself. They ignored it when he scooped Eddie up in his arms and carried him back to the bedroom. They ignored it as they held each other, kissing and touching and whispering words of love until they fell asleep.

The next day, they would continue to avoid the subject, even as Eddie searched online for a job in his field in LA. Even when Richie finally responded to his manager, asking if he could move to New York and continue building his career there. It had taken 20 years, a lot of denial and a trip to the hospital for them to find their way to each other. They weren’t about to let it go now.

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't supposed to be 12k words. It kind of got out of hand. I was going to add a scene of Myra letting herself in the next morning and finding them in bed together but I just needed it to end. Don't count on every one in these in the series being this long cause this just about killed me. Also available on tumblr. EddieSasspbrak there as well


End file.
